Watch Out For This Revolution

Now that we have audiobooks, fantasy and science fiction musicals based on your favorite books aren't far behind. They'll have a total of ten singers among them, so I hope you like the ones who get in on it.

Peril of the AI Ghosts

The chief engineer reported. "Our AI is better every day. We project that to continue for at least 2,500 years and no more than 5,750 years."
The board acknowledged the report and moved on to other business. The public was not so blasé when it saw the camera phone pictures of the presentation which a leaker posted. Internet analysts followed every implication to its most unreasonable but logical conclusion, and one such could not be endured.
"Better AI means worse AI ghosts!" That was the cry on message boards, imageboards, news aggregators, and livestreams. Nor did those responsible have a satisfactory answer.
"This will increase productivity."
"It's October!"
"The economy will boom."
"It's halfway over!"
"You'll see results by Christmas."
"It's Halloween soon!"
The largest Halloween demonstration of all time began, and as the vampires, witches, and horsemen holding their heads lay about with their axes in the AI development facilities, economists cried but the community-minded who bore a love for the human experience far greater and deeper than number-lust cheered.
Finis

Punchline Corner

"More like suspension of kiss belief!" Take that, romance novels.

Reverse: 1999 Review

They called it that because everyone who plays it reverses 1,999 degrees and moonwalks away.

The Main Problem With Space Battles

Spaceships don't scream in anguish when they're hit. Sure, space dragons and space whales do, but that's pretty one-sided, you know?

Addendum

You might think the mecha genre is about mechs, but it's actually defined by opponents yelling at each other during the battle.

The Freshest Genre Classification

There are three types of stories:
1) Opponents talk to each other before the fight
B) Opponents talk to each other during the fight
Gamma) Opponents don't talk to each other

As for stories without fights, they simply aren't worth categorizing or reading.

Nautical Advice

If you want to write a submarine story, make sure to give it little legs or wings. I know you think you have enough ideas for underwater stuff, but you don't. Keep your options open.

The Tyranny of the Arcane Killjoys

"Magic isn't as fun since they got good at it."
Everyone agreed, including the people who got good at it, but what was to be done? Efficiency beat pizzazz whenever they clashed. But one man dared to challenge the consensus. He was a genius. Veterans struggled not to show the awe they had at his talent, but he knew. Against the standing orthodoxy, he developed his own methods. The consistent methods became inconsistent under his assaults. Admirers praised his triumphs and imitators went over the details again and again.
After overthrowing every standard and unseating every established authority, the man looked around. He beheld the wreck of the old ways and the crowds cheering his name, and he wept, for he realized they would be the new arcane killjoys.
Finis

Addendum

One wacky robot is trying to learn magic. Is such a thing possible for robots? Do robots have souls? Questions about existence will be suggested.

Fantasy Apocalypse

The survivors have to live in their boring science fiction universe without magic or anything, just space elevators and wacky robots. How horrifying.

Addendum

A C thug is worth one battle clue, R 2, SR 4, and SSR 7. So get your wallets out, fellas.

How Do We Bridge the Gap Between Action and Mystery?

Battle clues. Figure out the rest on your own. I don't know why you want that bridge in the first place. Can't sit still for a mystery? Come on.

Possibly Available for a Very Short Time Only

Make sure to play the new Gundam U.C. Engage mobile game. I hear the cool thing to do is pick the S Gundam and Roux, but quite frankly, I don't believe it matters.

The Newest Multimedia Franchise

Make it about CHARLEMAGNE but it's in the FUTURE and there are SPACE BATTLES and his flagship is named JOYEUSE.

New Ghost Era

The mood in the room was weighty, still, an elephant grown past easy handling. "Ladies. Gentlemen." The chairman did not try to relieve the seriousness. Doing so would have been futile. "The matter before us today is serious. Do we get rid of human ghosts?" The next person along the table nodded. "AI ghosts are much spookier."
The one after agreed. "Their utterances are impossible to follow but give the impression you can if you listen harder. Very spooky."
"They have the wrong number of everything. The more you stare, the worse they look."
"They don't rely on stale techniques like dripping blood or detaching their heads."
"People have started to feel bad for real ghosts instead of themselves."
All the way down the table and all the way back up, the opinion was unanimous. The decision was handed down, and soon all spirits trapped in this world were at last released from their torment to be replaced by AI ghosts. Thus shall it be forevermore.
Finis

Addendum

But if you don't buy it, that makes you Star Trek: Skinflint.

About Star Trek: Infinite

It reminded me of something I've wanted to say for a long time. Stellaris? More like Smellaris! Thanks, Star Trek: Infinite.

A Long-Delayed Progression

We have to level fantasy up into fantaser or even fantasest. My suggestion: Dragons only, no humans. They have dragon swords!

Addender

It's tough to explain curseships because they're uninterested in communication, but an unnamed space pirate can handle it.

Addendum

The space curseship is a gigantic jack-o'-lantern. I figured it out.

Science Fiction Horror

It doesn't have to be a spaceship with zombies on it, but that's sure all I can think of. A space station with zombies on it. That's the same thing.

The Fable of the Magic Jar

Once upon a time, a peasant came back from an adventure with a magic jar. He poured water in it, closed the lid, shook it, and opened the lid to pour out ice. He showed it to the villagers and turned their grain into bread, their beer into good beer, and their sand into glass. He showed it to the merchants and turned their ore into ingots and their dross into gems. He showed it to the king and turned his gold into a magnificent crown that the other monarchs soon would envy.
"Well then, why don't we crack it open and see how it works?" A suggestion from a king is nothing less than an order, and so the peasant smashed his magic jar on the palace's tiled floor. Among the shards, there was a tiny little wizard who instantly grew back to his full size.
"Thanks for getting me out of there, fellas!" the wizard exclaimed. "I accidentally trapped myself in there when I made it. Now I can show your magicians how to make jars just like mine." He did just that and ensured the prosperity of the kingdom forever.
Moral: If something's good, break it and see how it works; otherwise, how will you know?
Finis

Addendum

I won't insult your intelligence by reminding you to set a number of continues.

Important Worldbuilding Question

Before you start your first draft, ask yourself: Do people in this setting get hurt if they touch spikes on the side? How about water? Does it kill them instantly? Suppose someone runs into an enemy. Is that enough for damage, or is an attack required?

Wheel of Time Season Finale

I didn't watch it, but did some background Seanchan or Whitecloak discourse on the history of heron-marked blades or wolf breeds or something? If not, I'd like to make a recommendation for next season.

About Character Descriptions

Bad: "He was wearing leather gloves."
Good: "His leather gloves had spikes coming out of them that glowed with demon poison that dripped to the earth and scarred it forevermore."
Bad: "The man looked to be about twenty-four."
Good: "The man stood among twenty-four corpses, a number the same as his age."
Bad: "Her eyes, one green, one blue, blinked."
Good: "The apocalypse had already begun."

Addendum

It's up to your discretion whether you give the henchman a name, but it's probably better in most cases not to.

Trends Are Friends

Antique: Easy transit between the surface and the moon.
Boutique: A random henchman who's shockingly well-informed on an esoteric subject.

The Treatise of Steel

The young scholar kept one hand on the cliff face. As rough as it was, he needed it to steady him as he walked. "Walk" was far from the most appropriate word; he would have been able to think of a better one in the city, but there, miles and months away, language thinned.
He kicked a pebble. It took looking down and concentrating on the laws of cause and effect for him to reach that conclusion. He managed it in the end, and to follow the pebble's path as well, and when he raised his eyes, at last he saw it. The library, that legendary library, that he risked everything to find. For him, "everything" did not amount to much, but that would change. The library was real.
At the entrance a guardian stood and had stood for incalculable ages. The scholar worried his plans would be frustrated at the end by some activity on the part of the great statue, twenty feet tall and as vividly painted as if its creator had finished the piece that morning.
"Inside," the guardian intoned, "is all the knowledge of significance in this world. Enter and learn, visitor." Unmoving, it gave that message again and again in response to the scholar's alternating withdrawals and advances. His old spirit of curiosity was returning, and it pushed him over the threshold.
What books, what scrolls, what histories and treatises filled the shelves tall and wide within that library? None. The place was bare, its rows unfilled. Not a single item of scholarly purpose did he see.
In the middle, however, was a platform, and on that platform a stand, and the stand held up a sword in its life-sparing scabbard. The scholar took the sword in hand. He drew it. He understood then; he knew at last what mattered.
Finis