The Newest Form of Magic

Money magic aka numismancy. Summon the guy on the coin to fight for you. The downside is that kings mostly aren't that tough, but their authority will probably intimidate some people.

A Startling Realization

Where are the Lord of Rings: Rings of the Rings and Game of Thrones Zero games? You know, the platformer where Galadriel has to jump around and collect whatsits and gizamagoos, or that PS3 gyro dragon game but with FMV cutscenes? People still like money, right?

Mapmaking Dos and Don'ts

DON'T: Put in an ocean.
DO: Put in a star ocean. Space is where it's at, buddies.

Hidden Fears

Are you ever afraid you'll be dragged in front of a judge and executed if you spell "oeuvre" wrong? No? Oh. Me neither then.

A Chance Cast

The man lurched along watched only by the sun, for other travelers saw the mark on his hat and turned away without speech. Householders put food and water by the road for him and pointed the way if he seemed unsure where to go. That was toward the king, for his judgment must be sought before the banished man knew whether he would be allowed to stay in that country.
After weeks on foot, for the country he had entered after previous weeks was not small, he reached the place where the king sat. He won his audience without a word, for he had the mark, and that was the compact among kings. The sitting was in the square of a town, for the king was out giving justice, and the plain seat was a throne, for a king sat on it. He beckoned the exile forward.
"What is your occupation?"
"A carver of fine things in bone and in ivory, which is bone also."
"For what cause were you banished?"
"The king who was my king then bade me create dice such as no man had seen or used before which would impress his nobles and foreign kings. A set of two hundred thirty-four, one for each year his dynasty has ruled and each carved and dyed so as to commemorate an event of one year. One and one-half years later, I presented the completed set. I was praised then, but I will let others speak to the quality of my dice. I can attest what I was told happened next. The men of the court and visitors alike refused to throw those dice for fear of marring them. The king imagined I had played a trick on him and banished me."
"Will you swear that is the true cause?"
"I do so swear."
"Excellent." The king leaned forward. "It happens that I have come to be dismayed by the extent of gambling with dice in my country . . ."
Finis

Be Sure Not To Forget This Color!

Vermilion.

The New Genre Divisions

Here's how we divide fantasy from now on.
Wizards Are All Bad: Bad Fantasy
Wizards Are Not All Bad: Good Fantasy
What about science fiction? That's simple, Roderick.
Aliens Are All Bad: Bad Fantasy
Aliens Are Not All Bad: Good Fantasy
Done.

Addendum

Hey! This emerald is a fake!

Big Worldbuilding Questions

You've got your fantasy country all settled with a name, imports, exports, government type, and everything. You've decided to call it Wipitaria, which I encourage you to rethink, but ignore that and answer me this. Do the people there sit down or recline? Pants or otherwise? How tall are their hats? I won't listen to the answers, though. I only wanted to distract you so I could filch the emerald.

Fantasy Punchline Corner

"If that's a Birthright, I'd hate to see a Birthwrong!"
"Ice and fire? I thought you were asking me to change your tire!"
"Yo momma's so immune to introspection, when she held the sword of Shannara, it doubted itself!"

All Things Change But This

Dale Alkirk grabbed wads of maps and timetables off the shelves and slammed them on the table. Map after map he opened up and ran his finger over while tapping his mouth with a pen. "Hm. Hmmmm. Uh uh. Hm." Simon wanted to help his boss but refrained from getting in the way. An abacus might as well try to assist a supercomputer.
"No . . . no . . . maybe . . . is it? Yes! This is it!" Dale ground his finger into the map and poked straight through. "Make a note to replace that. Not now, though. We have to move. I figured out how Hollis plans to move the stuff. He's using the Grant-Chifton line."
Simon gasped. Dale nodded. "That's right. Who does anything by train in the year 2832? That's exactly what Hollis is counting on. He knows the police won't look into that. They probably don't know trains still run."
"I sure didn't, boss. Why do they? It doesn't seem like it could possibly make financial sense." "It doesn't, Simon, but to this day there are always a few unreasonably rich men who get very interested in trains. Very, very interested. Very, very, very interested. Very, very, very, very, very, very . . ."
Finis

Sprucing Up Your Script

Out: Rosebud is a sled
In: Rosebud opens treasure chests

More Fire Emblem Trivia

Did you know that in the original game, the titular fire emblem is a skeleton key? Of course you do. Everyone knows that. It's still funny, though.

Fire Emblem Trivia

Did you know that Fire Emblem: Engage was originally planned to be an N-Gage game? They had to downscale it for the Switch, which is why it's taken so long to come out.

Nintendo Direct News and Analysis

Where can I find some of that? I can only watch the Various Daylife trailer so many times, fellas. I would also like to say that I hate the Fire Emblem main character's design so much that I like it. It feels like it has some real enthusiasm behind it, which I prefer to something bland. Bylandeth.

Toward More Realistic Science Fiction

If you had the material required to construct a viable space elevator, you would be better off using it to trip people and film prank videos. If we're being honest.

This One Is for Charles III

"How does it feel to have another temple designed by you go up? Getting tired of it?"
lenWalis shook his head. "Not of buildings, because I know they will see use. And to be entrusted with something so costly cannot help but tickle my pride. For there is no question of flippancy, either in the backers or the builders. I can only respond to that with all my ability." It was in that way that lenWalis always responded to such questions, and never yet did he lie. He left the site feeling the pleasing weight of a serious task, an awareness that what he did had meaning for others.
"Look out!"
He never saw the laden wagon coming.

"Is he coming around?"
lenWalis opened his eyes and knew wonder. Where else could he be but the realm of some god whose temple he had built? Strange buildings unsuitable for human occupation rose to trouble the clouds, and around him were such noise and lights as none but the gods could comprehend. He tried to sit up that he might abase himself. The figures around him, however, looked on him with the curious eyes of men and women rather than the knowing gazes of gods.
"He's alive, but who is he?"
The concerned passersby had no idea that somewhere nearby, a short commute away in an upscale suburb, a self-taught magician debated with himself how likely that the ritual to summon a hero from another world to save his had succeeded. Not exactly in those terms, though. "Man, I sure hope I grabbed somebody who can come up something other than these ****-*** ****** piles of sun-hardened ***-**** with their ****** ****-loads of ************ concrete that break down like overused *********** used to *********** ************ after thirty ****-covered years, like what the ********. Seriously, the ****** suicide rate must triple for any ********** ************ unlucky enough to get a job in those, and they don't even have to look at them for most of their **********, ************ working days." And that hope was not in vain.
Finis

Addendum

Baldur's Gate II is better than Icewind Dale II though. Watch out! They're creating a double helix!

Rings of Power Update

Does that count as a clickbait headline? Interest seems to be waning rapidly. I still haven't seen it of course, but here's my opinion: Icewind Dale is better than Baldur's Gate.

The Primary Concern When Conferring Special Abilities Voluntarily

What happens if they don't? Presuming it's a limited kind of thing. For instance, if only person in the world can have the Aldebaran power, what happens if the holder dies without passing it on? Think about it. Maybe a fresh new guy will figure it out a hundred years hence. Maybe the closest survivor gets it. Maybe magic is fading from the world because these morons forget the succession part. Whatever it is, have something.

Trends Are Ever in Flux

Out: A woodsman with a secret.
In: Special abilities conferred voluntarily.

Villainous Motivation Table

You've designed a compelling cast of central characters and arranged the setting elements impeccably. You hired an artist to put your villain on the posters as well. But what's this? You forgot to figure out why the villain is so bent on doing what he oughtn't, and the clock is ticking! What can be done? Grab a random number generator and let the internet tell you what to do, of course.

1. Power!
2. The prophecy will be realized by those with the will to see it through.
3. Take credit for my design, will you?
4. On that day, the flames were so beautiful . . .
5. The title, the estate, the revenues. All are mine by right.
6. The secrets of that planet are too much for lesser minds.
7. As long as I make good on these contracts, what does it matter how I do it?
8. Loyalty is a burden when the master doesn't understand what must be done.
9. Wow! A hundred bucks!
10. Lightning powers, in the end, look the coolest.
11. What more may be done with such a device, and would it not be wrong to stop now without ever learning?
12. There's a big space in my trophy cabinet.

Now all that's left is to question your own motivations. If you want. I don't think it's going to get you anywhere.

Jump on This Marketing Trend Today

Foil covers! Eh? Eh? You order the latest Tad Williams blockbuster from your favorite distribution platform and have a 6% chance of getting a sick foil copy. Tell me you wouldn't buy at least twenty copies so I can question your honesty.

The Reddened Firmament

The claim is made that four moons once ruled the sky, alike in their luminescence and their envy. The four armed themselves against one another and fought so that men and animals of ground and sea saw nothing above but mayhem, and birds descended out of fear. Some, they say, have never regained their courage and still walk or swim. The moons died in fraternal strife but one, which rules today as the sun. As for the others, the blood of the first comes as rain, of the second as snow, and as to the third, a lake high in the mountains collected all of it. Fratricides who bathe in it will be relieved from their pollution.
That is the claim. Believing that, a man walked alone and climbed those heights, for he was guilty of that crime. The lake was there from which no river carried the cloudy liquid, and in it the man bathed himself that night.
There his eyesight became as clouded as the water. The world around him dimmed, and he heard a voice say this. "Was it wrong, what you did?"
"No," he whispered.
"Was it wrong?"
"No," he said.
"Was it wrong?"
"No," he shouted, and his throat burned.
"Take this weapon, and with it wreak what is no more a crime than what you wrought before."
He stood and left the lake, and in his hand then was a javelin famous enough that he had heard of it as had every man, despite that it came to be that very day for the first time. It was the sun-slaying spear, and there was justice and piety in the world before he used it.
Finis

What Would Have Increased the Appeal of That Amazon Show?

Tolkien-themed rock opera. Those fools.

Q&A Corner

Q. This noble character should probably have lots of middle names, but I'm pretty sure my readers will sooner watch the new Amazon TV show than read them all. What should I do?
A. Write science fiction instead.
Q. The problem will persist in space.
A. Don't let Spaniards into space.
Q. Too late for that.
A. Then all is lost.

The Lord of the Rings: Rings of Power Complete Review and Analysis.

Didn't watch it, so I'm going to talk about Pathfinder: Kingmaker instead. It's good, but it should have dropped the kingmaking and been about half as long after that excision. Also, the way some of the companions get involved is odd. Early spoilers!




Harrim wanted to unseat the Stag Lord and become a baron? Really? Harrim? That guy? Him? It makes sense that nobody seems to mind that you get to be the baron. They don't seem to be the sort to want that in the first place. But then why are they there?

Addendum

I initially typed "Let's go!" but I believe that phrase is now for video content only.