The World of Prophecy Is Limitless

The oracle declared, "A whale and a lion will fight in the middle of the city!"
The wisest debated the hidden significance, whether it referred to a debate over strengthening the army or the navy for example, until one day a whale and a lion fought in the middle of the city.
"But now we need a reverse oracle to explain why that happened," one of the prominent citizens said, but in the meantime the people consulted the oracle again.
"A whale and a lion will fight in the middle of the city!"
"The same ones?"
To that the oracle had no answer. The citizens therefore waited, and they learned when next the event occurred that it was a different lion, though about the whale they were unsure. The original lion returned for the third match however.
The citizens became so used to tthat state of affairs that they were unprepared when new mines were discovered and a debate began over strengthening the army or the navy, but that struck them as trivial compared to the other matter. In the end, they relied on the lions and whales to dissuade invaders and spent the money on a new racecourse.
Finis

Addendum

I realize nobody uses hep anymore, but by the time science fiction happens, it might be back.

Future Fields of Study

By the time your science fiction story happens, people probably will have gotten it together and realized we should talk about rock-science, star-science, and snake-science instead of those weirdo terms we use today. For one thing, those different endings are confusing. Who would know just from hearing it that astrology is the fake one? Furthermore, I don't think hepatologists are particularly hep, not to mention with it, though I could be mistaken.

On Originality

People do covers of songs all the time, but if I ctrl-c ctrl-v Lucian, people say I should make up my own material, like an ending. What's that all about?

Addendum

People just flip to the back of the book before they decide to read it anyway. I can't explain this inhuman behavior, but I must accept it.

Impediments to Progress

We have to confront this pressing issue boldly. The only reason fantasy and science fiction novel randomizers don't exist the way they do for your favorite NES games is because we would find out it doesn't much matter what order things happen in so long as there are dragons or spaceships in there somewhere.

The Four Fantasy Subgenres

A master swordsman can defeat:
- A man
- Eight men
- Eighty men
- Eighty thousand men

There isn't much in the way of eight hundred or eight thousand. Those are too middle-of-the-road.

The Will to Secrecy

The customer picked up the sword, reverently it seemed, and admired it before turning the point toward its smith. "Now, if you please, the secret of your peerless weapons."
"Hmph. You aren't the first to try that," the swordsmith said. "It works, too, but once they hear it, they all swear to keep the secret. Of their own volition!"
"We will see. So?"
"It's the metal. Froganite."
"I have never heard of froganite. Are you sacrificing your life for a joke?"
"Of course you haven't heard of it. It's secret. Froganite is exceedingly rare because there's only one way to get it, and not from any mine. First, a steel frog devours gold flies. Then . . ."
"Then?"
"Then my assistants wait a week or so and pick up the, uh, result of the process. Takes a while to get enough."
The customer examined the sword again, somewhat less reverently. "Really?"
"Yep."
"Oh. Well." Saying that, he sheathed the magnificent blade, and nothing needed be said about whether he would tell anyone the truth behind it. On the verge of leaving, he paused. "How did anyone find that out?"
"You aren't the first to ask that, either."
Finis

Addendum

Unfortunately, we have to use ridiculous terms such as maroon and mauve to get across the distinction, but sometimes we have to work for our milliions.

Meteorological Reminder

You did give rainbows different colors in a futile attempt to make your setting stand out, right? I'm including you, science fictioners.

The Big Drawback to Including Oneiromancy in Your Story

It sounds like it should be something filthy. Now that I think about it, it probably is a lot of the time.

The Latest Release

Aside from anything else, is Assassin's Creed: Shadows a good title? It doesn't tell you much, not that many of those titles do. Odyssey, Valhalla, and Black Flag give us a sense of the setting, which is why I can remember them. I'm not sure it's important that we remember them, but the real problem with Shadows is that it sounds like it could easily be a spinoff, possibly a mobile game.

Subtle Social Commentary

All these people think they're cool with their "critiques of consumerism" and whatnot, always likening buying stuff to religion, but I haven't seen any of their characters go on as much as a single shillgrimage.

We Don't Have a Reading Achievement System

At least I don't. I bet somebody out there does and is keeping it from the rest of us. I'm talking about points, not that Sony trophy nonsense that simply isn't as good.

Shark Counterattack

It was a hard battle which did much to blood and bone, but the villagers subdued the great shark and killed it. They then looked upon it and wondered, full of anger and bafflement, what use they could make of it.
Till Ollepor had his inspiration. "We can bear no more of this, and this is our opportunity to stop it." He hollowed out the shark. He took out its guts, and he firmed up the insides with beams, and he made the tail a rudder too. He made the fins into oars and did everything else necessary.
Then he bade the villagers, the brave ones, the strong, to gird themselves and enter the shark with him. Together they sailed forth and down, far below to the seat of the sea king where they offered battle. Spear went against spear and net against net, and in the end the veterans who had defeated the sea's heroes before did so again.
"I am defeated," the sea king confessed. "And what now?"
"Now, rain," Ollepor demanded, and so it was done. The clouds took away great gallons of water so that the village soon sat on a cape. The sea king sent the villagers back and along with them another shark filled with gifts, and ever since the war shark and the treasure shark were the symbols of the village, later a town and then a great city.
Finis

Addendum

If you want to be serious, just have it be Brundisium. That's the kind of place necromancers would like. Rome and Ostia are too busy for concealment of their horrible activities.

Here's What to Call Your City of Necromancers

"Bonedisium." It is farcical, naturally.

Addendum

Come to think of it, does Beowulf actually take place in a super-advanced civilization with domed cities, and Grendel has nano-machines to make him stronger and more resilient against having his arm torn off? Probably, right?

Habitational Musings

I bet dragons would love domed cities. Real comfy-like. Is that a thing in Shadowrun?

Genre Family Sizes

We all know fantasy families are too small because it's a pain to come up with names for a bunch of siblings, cousins, etc., but surely science fiction should be dominated by the only child or single sibling absent cloning, right? Look at contemporary fertility. But wait! If you're writing about future people, they must have had future parents and so on down the line, which is to say, they'll belong to cultures which keep those birthrates up. Again, cloning excluded.

Fantasy Dangers

Watch out, fellas! "Wizened" might not mean what you think it does! Don't use it as a compliment! If you did know, that's just rude, but you may have been justified in saying it. I won't pretend to know the circumstances.

The Awful Potence of Humors

No matter how many times the mage-captain looked over the interior, it was undoubtedly a restaurant. Tables and chairs in front, an immaculate kitchen in the back, an office to the side, and everything just as laid out in the memoirs of a successful owner.
"That's wonderful, Mr. Karsask. I'm completely satisfied that you have reformed. To think the last time I came here, it was a lair of foul necromancy."
"Oh, I could never live in a place like that now, sir. I must have been suffering from insanity back then. But to make sure, you had better check the dishes." Karsask snapped his fingers and forthwith the staff brought out a modest three courses for inspection.
"I suppose I should . . ."
Karsask watched the mage-captain eat from over the man's shoulder. It wouldn't do for the inspector to see the terrible smile of the inventive sorcerer. He had abandoned blood magic, it was true, but only because he had discovered a new power, easier to replenish: Bile magic. Already the mage-captain's insides were producing energy being gathered by arcane contraptions below. Had he only realized, he might have said something about it to his superiors in passing, and though there was no law against bile magic, they would blab about it, and then competitors would start up, and what a hassle and squandered opportunity the whole thing would be.
Finis

Animal Comparisons

When you think about it, humans are mice to giants' rats. But then what are hobbits? More littler mice? Meeces? We have to figure out who the good guys are by Redwall rules.

Weapon Parity

Want to add dignity and fame to the humble spear? Start spelling it "spwear." Now people will have to dwell on it, really think about it.

Tip for Getting Story Ideas

Keep a notebook by your bed so that when you dream, you can drool onto the notebook and then turn the marks into a monster for your next story. Or an alien who doesn't know what love is, genre depending.

Addender

On a related note, wizards are always getting hacked because they think they're smart, whereas clerics know they aren't and keep to divine security procedures.

Addendum

Elementally speaking, the magic internet would probably be fire and air, and while you might think it's strife, it's definitely love.

Important Fantasy Worldbuilding Considerations

If we go with an arcane/divine distinction, and please remember that there isn't much reason to do so unless we're writing Dungeons and Dragons fanfiction, and if also we decide our fantasy setting can go ahead and have a magical internet, a defensible decision, I bet the clerics would have it, or if they both do, theirs would be better. Wizards would keep sending each other faxes.

The Road to Stellar Damascus

"Sir, we landed on the planet for the initial exploration."
"Then why are you here?"
"We saw a man, sir. A human. He told us this. 'Every sun is a god. Worship ours and you will be permitted to live on the surface. To abstain and remain in your generational colony ship, that is permitted as well.'"
"What's this you're telling me?"
"The others will tell you the same, sir. I attempted to initiate diplomacy, but I fell asleep. I woke up on the flight back."
"Absurd."
The captain personally led the second expedition and came back the first priest, and as for the colonists, they learned there was more to space than they dreamed.
Finis

Addendum

I'm not volunteering to murder anyone or to be murdered, but I will contribute by saying, "Gee, I hope they get the guy that did it" when I hear about it. I'll make sure to say "gee," which I generally do not.