The Manufacture of Legacy

A philosopher, in need of a new project to entertain his intellect, decided to create a new humanity, reasoning he could hardly make something worse than the existing kind. He gathered together clay and iron, a lot of water and a little fire, the essential ingredients in his perception, and began to sculpt.
For years he worked at it, not exclusively but with dedication. He refined the features ("They lack even such beauty as the coarser type possesses"), adjusted the proportions ("To think I ran out of water"), and developed screens to keep away insects, an invention which earned him the praise of society.
After dozens of attempts he came up with something he thought serviceable, enough that he made it the model for several variations in order to start them out with a community, something necessary for the new humans just as much as for the old.
That accomplished, he went about his usual business and waited for his humans to come to life, which they did. They died the next day.
Saddened but encouraged, the philosopher made more, and more, and more, gradually perfecting them till at last he had produced the new humanity. Full of pride, he asked his peers whether they had ever seen anything so amazing.
"Sure. My kids."
"Yeah, you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble if you'd just had kids, but I guess that isn't the philosopher way."
"This isn't the same thing at all!" The philosopher's objections went ignored, and later, he did wonder.
Finis

The Union of Past and Present

There's no reason mummies couldn't use guns. Just saying.

The Next Thing in Publishing

The page margins will be made up to look like it's a heads-up display, periscope, binoculars, or other immersive framing. For fantasy? Illegible marginalia.

The Real Danger of AI

We're going to send them to other solar systems and they'll have all the thrilling adventures. We have to remember to give ourselves a good time, too.

September Warning

There isn't much of it left, so finish up anything that's left. September swimming, September sweeping, September sedition, September sermonizing, September sorting of stamps and stickers, any of it. Except that middle one.

On Spaceship Construction

How many external windows do you think the typical spaceship would have? None, right? Zero? They are cool, but consider the advantages of an isolated atmosphere.

The Difference Between Fraternity and Sorority

"Soror" is a dumb word. I don't know what the Romans were thinking with that one. "Frater" is far cooler. You can't say "soror" without its sounding like part of an insult, as in, "my soror was all like sorororor and then I was all like, we're speaking Latin, we don't say 'all like.'"

Obligations of the Dead

There was a man who, as punishment for a crime irrelevant to this history, spent a term in the land of the dead. When the end of his sentence approached, he asked the king of that land about that which confused him most about the customs there.
"Why is it, great king, that this is far from a dismal land? The dead have such feasts and entertainments as are never possible elsewhere without months to separate them, but here there is never any rest among those said to be forever resting in the matter of revels."
The king tested him with these words. "Where did you hear that this kingdom was ever dismal?" The man responded with citations from several classics, whereupon the ruler of all subjects nodded, satisfied. "It is because today the dead are deluded and think their duties done, whereas wiser men in earlier ages, relieved at last of the obstacle of sleep, set themselves ceaselessly to laborious tasks that they might not be found unprepared when at last it comes."
The man spread the warning of the ultimate monarch among the living and trained his body relentlessly, interrupting his exercises only when he judged more exertion would be wasted and never for the purpose of pleasure. Accordingly he was remembered as the first of the sword prophets. Reverent gratitude became attached to his name after at last it came, by the prepared; the unready regretted their indolence.
Finis

Adaptation Corner

Q. What's the best way to adapt The Skylark of Space?
A. Pinball game.

The Best Materials

Forget dumb old blandamantium and get up to date with double bronze, double iron, and double steel. Owing to the square cubed law, double iron is eight times as good as regular iron. Since bronze is an alloy, it ends up being twenty-four times as good in double form.

Obsolete Ideas

We need to get away from this idea that dragons aren't pefectly willing to sell their eggs at market themselves to get that treasure hoard going. Their scales too. "Dragon scale armor is rare and valuable," nah, everybody's running around in that.

Addendum

They like chocolate, studies have shown.

How to Name Your Chapters

In this fast-paced, born-late-die-early-supernova world, what readers want is for the chapter title to say exactly what's going to happen so they don't have to read the rest of it. Studies have shown that nobody likes reading anyway.

Worthwhile Digressions

How can your setting feel alive if you don't spend a couple thousand words on how soap is prepared? I'm talking about science fiction here. We all know about fantasy soap. It's been covered exhaustively.

A Botched Classic

Once, a man wandered a labyrinth which it pleased a tyrannical wizard to have constructed. Its many ways and baffling secrets, hidden doors and bewildering mist among them, prevented him from making progress, he thought, until he came to a location he never before had reached.
Two great doors, taller than giants and wider than wagons, were on the far end, and next to each was a sentinel in the shape of a man but steel in its construction, and the weapons they held were prodigious. When he approached, they spoke in this way.
"Traveler, your peril is great, for you must pass through one door and only one."
"But traveler, you may ask each of us a single question, and by that you may be guided, if you are wise."
"Be warned, traveler, that one of us will speak the truth, and as for the other, he, too, will speak the truth."
"Oh." The wanderer considered. "Then my question is, which door should I take?"
The left sentinel spoke. "I don't know."
The right sentinel spoke. "I have no idea."
The man considered what he had learned. "This is a rhetorical question, but this isn't much of a puzzle, is it?"
"Our master does not like puzzles."
"He always gets impatient and looks up the answer."
That was how the wanderer navigated the mystery of the two sentinels. How he escaped the labyrinth, however, is a different story.
"Did he take one of the weapons and smash his way out because the wizard forgot to order his guards not to let him do that?"
Shut up. Yes. Who said that? Shut up.
Finis

The New Famous Joke

The Aristofrats! Now make up the rest yourself.

Watch Out for This Anachronism!

It's easy when you're writing your medieval-adjacent fantasy story to slip up and describe a bag full of treasure as being made of nylon. Oops! That's all right though. Find and replace "nylon" with "plastic," and everything's fixed!

Addendum

Yes, it can be the same villain every time with bigger heels or a robot body.

Every Pro Knows This Trick to Make Your New Villain Menacing!

Be sure to mention that he's 1.5 inches taller than the old villain. That what you can have sustainable threat escalation. The first villain should be a short little fellow of course.

A New Scheme of Grammar

"Word" and "verb" sound too similar, so let's change "verb" to "doeth."

Glory to the Victors

By the way, anyone who picked the correct team in the Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel World Extravaganza Super Tournament is indeed a superior human. I'm not sure everyone understands that yet, viscerally.

Count! Hope Lies at the Bottom

Marshal DiBusco marched into the office without further precaution. His sixty stellar dreadnaughts already controlled traffic around the station and his powered cavalry had secured the airlocks and corridors. A display of confidence seemed the best thing.
"It is time, Mr. Premier, to yield to the inevitabilities of history," he announced to the premier, who sat behind his table and gripped it fiercely to prevent any other physical reaction, as well as to the aides and other officials who indulged in the cowering to which their inferior positions entitled them.
The premier decided, between preserving silent dignity and taking a shot at preserving all society, to try the latter. "DiBusco! We've entered space! Can't you adopt a new way of thinking? This isn't how we solve disputes today!"
"But when we do, you see how effective it is." The marshal looked out the window at one of his many dreadnaughts as it drifted past, miles away. "That is the practical case. Philosophically, I disagree. Votes and procedures are simple effigies of violence. Force is behind every resolution of conflict. I have the most force, so necessarily I will be the one to resolve ours."
"That's where you're wrong, Marshal." One aide, a heroic flash in his eye, dared to speak. "There's one other condition you have to satisfy if you want to win."
DiBusco humored the aide. "What is that, sir?"
"You have to be able to draw on your turn. The premier passes."
"Eh?" DiBusco, in his puzzlement, frowned.
"Come on, draw. If you can."
The premier looked at the aide and then, with hope, at the marshal. "That's right, DiBusco! Draw a card!"
"I don't have any cards?"
The aide pumped his fist. "Then you lose!"
DiBusco, poleaxed, turned back to his men, who shrugged. He waved a withdrawal and followed them, grumbling, "Get some cards . . . have to research first . . . of all the . . . have to come back next week . . . miss the game . . ." Such are the ways of the future.
Finis

Addendum

It's the sword, but don't let that stop you from dressing up the other option. That's the core of fiction.

The Difference Between Intelligent Swords and Intelligent Armor That Sounds Like Your Parents

The sword wants more blood while the armor wants more grandkids. Which is the more terrifying?

Turning Your Series Around

Instead of calling your show The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power Season 2 and The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power Season 3, call it Rings of Wisdom and Rings of Courage, and also put out a breakfast cereal based on it. People don't have to watch your show, but they do have to eat.

Activating Intelligent Armor That Sounds Like Your Parents

If in a science fiction setting, there's a good chance the main character will need to do some cat's cradle to get it working. To prevent your main character from looking like someone who plays cat's cradle, supply him with an assistant of some sort, whether a sibling or a straitlaced military officer who will delight by the contrast.

You Can Never Step in the Same Trend Twice

Obsolete: Non-horse riding animals
On the beat: Intelligent armor that sounds like your parents

Addressing an Earlier Topic

"Punch" kind of sounds like a punch as it is. I don't think we need to be gilding the lily here.

Necessity Is the Pretense for Invention

Professor D'Aramitz struggled to suppress his regret as he examined the diagnostics, an impossible task. Conceding for once to his feelings, he tilted back in his chair and looked at nothing in particular.
"I have finally constructed a robot capable of conquering our planet which is in such need of a masterful hand." Finally he looked at something: A titan of steel in its dock, a hundred cables affixed to it, bearing an attitude, it seemed to him, of the champion athlete eager to put the physical examination behind him and return to competition. "But it is not quite ethical, is it, to bring civilians into it, and that, my poor creation soon to be neglected, would be an inevitability. Without an excuse to deploy you, the world will never know your matchless power."
The professor wandered about his hidden facilities for a time, picking up this readout before throwing it down and settling down at that terminal, staring at the screen, and rising again. There was nothing to do, he convinced himself, but surrender the rest of the day to idleness, unless he was willing to begin the decommission process. He returned aboveground and abandoned his attention to the TV.
". . . Confirmation is coming in now that the destruction is in fact caused by alien invaders . . ."
The TV turned off again. Professor D'Aramitz stood. He stretched both arms, leaned back a little, and yelled, "Hurrah for unending strife!"
Finis

Kapow!

Wait a minute. I'm not sure punches sound like that at all!