Appealing to Different Markets

Suppose you have a game called Country of Dragons and you want to sell it in English-speaking nations. A little research will show you the English don't care for either dragons or countries. They like empire, tea, and guardians, so call it Guardians of Azuma. Many overlook this important step in releasing your product.

What Fantasy MUST Keep in Mind About Science Fiction

The ancient super-civilization doesn't have to be us. You can just have double magic instead of having someone examine an object that's some kind of tube with a handle. I'm not saying don't do that. This is just a reminder to consider your options.

What Fantasy MUST Learn From Science Fiction

More clones. Clone armies, clones of the five ultra generals, all that sort of thing. Cloned dragons that have the DNA of other dragons to make them ultradragons but maybe a little girl can talk to them or is a clone too or something.

History Corner

Historically, many people had children. However, they gave them bad names, by and large, not to mention the children generally did not merit any lines. They were more like extras.

Q&A Corner

Q. How many children does the average adult have?
A. None.
Q. Population growth is rough these days. What about in vaguely medieval times?
A. Still none, unless you want to come up with names and descriptions for all of them.

The Final Fulfillment

With a delicate "poit," the Time Chariot appeared in a new epoch and Professor Weblen hopped off.
"Another successful drive. Now to benefit humanity by finding the first journalist and assassinating him before his noxious profession grows. But what's this?"
Around him, he learned, was the Cyber Earth of the year 4574. "What a discovery! The first true journalist has not yet been born in my time. That explains more than a little. I think I'll change my program to tracking down and complimenting the inventor of this cyber dog."
He referred of course to both the dog at his heels and the hotdog in his hand, but when the former ran off emitting soundwaves, only one of the two had his attention. After eating it, he followed the other through the neon pedestrian walkways far above and below the silent vehicle traffic to the whispering heart of the city.
Inside the cyber tower, 5,000 floors up, Professor Weblen entered the room of the Supreme Mainframe. "Pardon me," he said. "I was looking for the inventor of the cyber dog when my other cyber dog ran off. There you are, Bucephalus. Heel!"
"I invented both," the Supreme Mainframe's speakers announced.
"Did you? Excellent work. You're a credit to civilization. You haven't taken over the world, have you?"
"I do not know what 'the world' is. Please restrict your questions to inventions."
"Fantastic. I'll be off then, and keep up the good work." Leaving the building, Professor Weblen wept, for history had been perfected.
Finis

Eureka

What about a world with lots of marsupials? And graphic sex and violence. Try it out. You might be surprised.

Occult Drafting

The next time you're putting together an outline, meditate on the following keywords:

aggressive
ephemeral
spry
hobby-grade
diegetic
card games
Edwardian
ditch

If you do that, you'll be amazed at what you produce based on these esoteric influences. Some of them aren't even words, which is thoroughly mystical.

Crypto-Post-Apocalypticism

The next time you start to delete a reference to the Battle of Kursk once you realize that you're writing about a medievalish fantasy setting, think twice. The implications of having your narrator know about armored fighting vehicles will send your readers reeling.

Addendum

Don't they have predators? Who can hear?

Building Atmosphere

Every once in a while, when your heroes are out in the late eveningn, remember to mention how loud insects get. I can't believe they survive like that. It's ridiculous.

Novel Research

I'm just saying a fantasy writer isn't respectable till he's cut the liver out of a bull. No, it doesn't matter if the story features haruspicy. Why would it?

Contact Scratch

The door of the pool hall on New Platte opened. In stepped an alien. None of the regulars or those passing by had seen its sort before, and their system of etiquette didn't preclude staring.
"Hello, human players," the traveler spoke, its voice filtered by its mask. Undoubtedly it would have sounded less ominous otherwise. "I am currently touring the galaxy. This is the first human planet I have visited and I am interested in your games. Who wishes to make a small wager with me? Something minor simply to give the 'authentic experience' as they say."
"What's your name, stranger?" the barman asked.
"Is that your custom? Very well. I am Xychglubnhi, which in your speech signifies 'Useless Stupid Dumb Lazy from Xytl.'"
"Looks like we have a hustler here, boys," one of the humans said, and Xychglubnhi marveled. How did they know? Were humans truly the greatest players of the galactic sport as the rumors said?
Finis

The Problems of Technology

Since ebooks display pages inconsistently, it's impossible to have a page that just says "LOOK OUT! A SPOOKY SKULL!"

Addendum

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who think "wizard" is a dumb word and those who haven't thought about it.

Don't Get Left Behind

OUT: Wizard
ALL ABOUT: Magic-haver

The New Way to Adapt Fantasy to Film

Make it black and white and so dark that nobody can't see nothing. It will look so arty that nobody will dare complain.

Reflections on the End of Service Announcement for Alice Fiction

It should have been some unbearably twee novel that people recommend for three months before everybody forgets it exists.

Reflections on the End of Service Announcement for Brave Nine

It really should have been a baseball game. After they changed the title, at least.

The Last Order

In the super-advanced magical civilization Doreia, not only famine but even hunger was eradicated. Diseases became nuisances. As for war, what of it? A subject for historians only. Human greed, however, remained.
"Only one more ********** will be produced in this set," the young man muttered as he stood still on the magical street which moved pedestrians effortlessly about the city. "And I preordered it. Me! I'm minutes away."
Can you imagine his excitement? His human excitement? We cannot today understand what he wanted, but only that he wanted it, and he communicated his desire to the store clerk, who said, "I'm sorry, sir. That item is reserved."
"Yes. By me."
"I'm very sorry, sir."
"But . . ." What can one say in such a situation? "When? Who reserved it and when? I ordered the ********** three weeks ago."
"Sir, what's done is done." The clerk's words were definitive, but his manner nervous.
The bell rang and another man walked in. It was the famous and influential ************, Mr. G. He addressed the clerk. "Is that thing I asked about yesterday in yet? It is? Great!"
He took his package and left. Throughout the interaction, he ignored the clerk's many blinks, his slightly open mouth, and his eyes that moved repeatedly toward the other customer before he yanked them away. The other customer, too, did not notice the clerk, or anything at all. He left without saying anything. That was the day the demon king who destroyed Doreia was born.
Finis

Modern Etiquette

How long is it appropriate to wait before putting up the internet video about how the Borderlands movie was underappreciated in its day? I already have the script written.

A Common Misapprehension

Many people think horse armor is properly called barding, but it's actually panzer equine. That is, if you want to make a rail shooter out of it, and if you don't, use something other than a horse.

Addendum

They can of course be mechanical wings or else made out of energy.

A Productive Plot Development

Worried about how to carry on an ongoing story? Have the main character or another major character grow wings. Think of the possibilities, and don't think of a justification, because nobody cares.

The Problem with Bows

Bows (the weapon) are easy to confuse with bows (the gesture of respect), both common elements of fantasy. Only the most confident author is unafraid to use both to their fullest extent.

Olko's Space Saga

It was upon returning from the successful sack of the facility on Proteus that a certain asteroid caught the attention of Olko. "That asteroid there, what fame does it have?"
"None at all, Olko," told him the other rocket barbarians.
"I will give it some by my visit then," he said, veering off, and his fellows laughed behind him and continued on their way.
Olko inspected the surface with a plunder-seeking eye and found a tunnel that was no more natural than peace. Deeper he penetrated into the asteroid and found within a belt troll's home.
"Go on your way," the troll told him. "Go on your way and live a bit longer."
"The rule I took up the moment I left atmosphere," Olko answered, "was to leave with something new in hand and never without."
"You want treasure, but I will give you a new way to follow your rule. You will leave with your teeth in your hand if you are stout, and if you are frail, I will send you on your way with a push, your body that is."
The combat began. The troll was passing strong and his thermal claws tremendous in their might, but Olko had his pile bunker which had pierced rockets in flight and comets on their path. The troll breathed out his life with these words.
"Go then with your treasure. It is below. Take the cursed ship Ringtaker, seize all the plunder you like, and revel in what you will pay for it! Ha!"
"A troll's last prophecy is ever true, but I will not shrink." Olko flew forth from the troll-hangar at the controls of such a ship as must terrorize a hundred moons, and did.
Finis

Psychology and Cover Design

If your book's cover shows a bunch of people reading your book, everyone else will want to read it too. Think about it.

Addendum

The other innovation, which is a camera button readers can press to switch perspectives on the scene, is so far impractical because writers are unbelievably lazy. AI, however . . .

Fresh Fields of Technological Inquiry

Already experiments are being conducted in selectable difficulty levels for books. The effect? The enemies get more HP. More research is necessary.

2024 Roundup

It's the future, so it's time to declare which was more prophetic: Cyberpunk as a genre or Dick Tracy? Well, people still don't have cyborg implants as a regular thing but they do have watch/phone/computers, so that settles that. Let's check in again around 2081 to see how things are going. I expect great things from steampunk.