But Once a Year

"Gentlemen! Our unprecedented new advertising campaign." The executive pressed a button on the table. An image appeared behind him of an orbital platform which, even as they watched, began ejecting payloads. "Within one hour, we will have delivered a complimentary bar of soap and a coupon to every household on the planet."
Amid the clapping, one junior executive said, "Now that's what I call a merry Christmas!"
"How so?"
"Well, because it's almost Christmas and we're delivering presents like Santa."
"You mean this has already been done? Why didn't anyone tell me? This is a debacle! Stop the launches!"
It was too late. Christmas had already come.
Finis

Chilling Science Fiction Tales

In the distant future, people will think of coal as a rare and valuable present because only Earth has any. Boo!

Zombie Varieties

1. Unintelligent zombies
2. Intelligent zombies
3. Zombies that know a lot of baseball statistics but are bad at evaluating player value

A Job Half-Done

If you wanted to write a porn parody of the latest Brandon Sanderson book, you probably start with Skin and, but I can't figure out the rest. Booty doesn't work, and neither does Couth.

A Shared Obligation

If your story doesn't have at least one made-up word in it, how can we make advancements in the language?

Addendum

As for butlers, flip a coin for scrupulous or unscrupulous before anything else.

The Varieties of Maids

1. Clumsy
2. Hyper-competent
3. Gossipy
4. Found the body
5. Loyal
6. Saucy
7. Tyrannical
8. Naive
9. Not actually a maid
10. Flirty
11. Intelligent talking animal
12. Gambling tipster
13. Assassin
14. Unscrupulous
15. Wise in herbal remedies
16. Believes in ghosts
17. Mad scientist
18. Artificial
19. High-level
20. Engaged

Now get out your randomization method of choice. But wait! The discerning reader has already noticed most of these are mutually compatible, while the especially discerning knows all of them are, the first two most of all. Therefore randomize yourself how many traits to assign. I recommend no more than three, duplicates allowed.

The Manifold Forms of the Silver Moon

One gentle night, three men relaxed outside of town. Why not? When insects play for the moon's pleasure, how indecorous it to refuse to be entertained.
"The man in the moon carries a pail! I am sure of it." Thus the first said.
"There is no question but that he has with him a gleaming sword." The second had that opinion.
"Naive! He carries nothing of course." The third laughed at the others.
A debate resolved nothing. Each held to his starting opinion as he studied the man in the moon, his stance and his movements. Without words, the three agreed they had discerned the moon's peerless technique and stood. Then that master of the pail, that genius of the sword, and that fist prodigy fell to battle, each against the other two, and who can say which of them won and whether the three attained the lunar perfection for which they yearned?
Finis

The Sad, Inevitable Outcome of Space Colonization

We're going to get out there and discover all the good places have been taken by cool guys and gals already. What a drag.

Addendum

And break up those constellations. "Stars never get together but that it is at tellurid expense," Adam Smith wrote, and it's as true now as it was then.