I Fell in the River and Now I'm in the World Where All the Good Games Went?!?!

If you've never been to the world where all the good games went, you're missing out. It's not all mouses and keyboards there, though.
"So let me get this straight. Only I can defeat the Dark Lord Eethree for some reason, and he's doing something or other that's bad. Sounds plausible."
"I'm glad you think so! I'd sure hate if you became suspicious."
Nothing could be more suspicious than my self-declared guide, a snake with a bowtie and comically large glasses. I mean, a snake? Why not a scorpion or a three-toed backstabber?
"Lead the way, snake buddy. You go first. I'll follow at a distance that shows my regard for your privacy."
"Wow, you're the most polite hero we've been sent so far! I hope you do better than the others!"
"What was that?"
"I said, I hope you like competent RTS games, space sims, RPGs (narrative-based, open world, real time, turn-based, dungeon crawler, and more), puzzle games, first-person shooters, third-person shooters, strategy games, hardboiled detective mysteries both with and without FMV, pirate simulators, 2D platformers with lots of secrets, action games with non-numeric powerups, god games, rhythm games, wrestling games that work, fighting games with singleplayer content, and much more!"
"I do like those things."
"Then off we go!" The snake wriggled into the strange world I'd washed up in, and I followed.
Finis